the reason

I've finally comes to my senses and slowly start to understand my new life as a doctor.
For the past one week, it had been a transition period for me. It was a tough one. Trying to adjust to the new enviroment, new daily cycle ... everything is new for me.

Maybe I've been watching to much of Grey's anatomy and House MD. Life as an intern in a busy government hospital is nothing as in the shows on TV.
Maybe I was expecting my life to be as cool as the actors in the show. Hence , when I faced the truth - it was a big shock for me and I was very depressed.

Nevertheless, after a few days , after lots of thinking and tears ( unfortunately ) - I'm moving foward. I want to be a doctor and this is what I have to face, day in , day out. No more regret. ( hopefully)
I'll take one day at a time. Slowly learning to be a good doctor.
It's gonna be a long journey, it's gonna be a tough road ahead. But I'll give everything. I'll do my best. God please bless me. Amin.

one more thing, I'm so sorry if my previous entry "demotivated" a lot of ppl from being a doctors. No worry , If u are willing to work hard, U'll be a good doctor.

thank you

I've been busting my ass at the labour room for nearly 10 days. It's been a tough job, it has been very depressing and stressful as well. But as time goes by , I'm getting used to it... slowly. Well, like they said " time heals everything".

It may have been the most depressing one week for me. I would like to thank everyone for being there for me. Even last nite, I received a phone call from doctor fareez , ( apparently he read my previous entries ) He told me to be strong , to be more confident with my ability... thanks a lot doc. I really need those encouraging words.

Lots of funny thing happened for the past one week. My life as a houseman - gosh..... I just cant describe it. It has been a nightmare and like a living hell , but in a very different view - I started to enjoy it...

If u are a government worker and had been to the induction course - u must have heard about the so called " tonggak 12" . One of the "tonggak" is " keseronokan bekerja". For the past one week - I was searching for this particular matter. Until now - to no avail. But somehow , I could see it's coming. I could see the silver lining of this deep hole....

thank you everyone for being there for me. Thank you everyone for reading my "luahan perasaan" for the past one week... thank God.... thank you...

feel free to visit me at the labour room in hkb.. I'll give u a free check up :P

as the days passed by...

my advice to future doctors ..... apply for internship at HUSM. U'll get a better life at teaching hospital coz they have lots of doctors and less patients compared to general hospitals...

well... how's work?

erm, today I spent the whole day at the OT, performing the C-section. Definitely I wasnt the one doing it, I was the 1st assistant. It was my 1st day as 1st assistant the OT. May sound like an easy task, but it wasnt that easy after all. One simple mistake , the surgeon will screw u.

So happened, in the OT, the anaesthesiologist was my senior at faris petra. He gave me a little pat at the back before the surgery start. That was very comforting. Throught out the operation, he was watching out for me, correcting me when I did wrong before the surgeon did and he smile and gave a thumb up when I did thing right.

It was a very tiring day. I was involve in 4 c-section from morning till evening. But I dont mind. I love the tranquality of operation theater, compared to the labour room....

So, that was my day.... my plain odinary day as a doctor.

Thanks a lot everyone for those encourging words. Really mean a lot to me. In time like this, I just need everyone around me to tell me that everything will be fine...

It had been a very stressful and depressing week for me. Tons of tears being shed... Gosh... it's unbearable...

the only thing that make me wake up every morning to face the dreadful day in hospital.... is when I think about my parent....

being a doctor?

to my dear readers - I'm deeply sorry , no updates from me for ages. FIY , I got posted at the OnG ward at HKB, not at the surgical department.
So, for the past 1 week - I've been seeing a lot of ladies.

How's my life nowdays ? ..... like hell....

no kidding.... being a h/o at the Labour Room -isnt as fun as I thought it would be. Life has been very depressing lately.

Do I love my job rite now? .... not really ...

Always think about quiting from be a doctor , everyday. No kidding. Luckily I still have the "inner voice" which kept me going. Being scolded, being screwed .... it's my daily routine. As a H/O - we have no honour , no pride , nothing...

I felt useless, I felt stupid, I felt like crying... gosh... it's very depressing....
Life is ... well.. I have no LIFE rite now...

Dear God - Please give me the strenght to keep going... God Please....

how to deal with stress???

Hannan's 3 step to deal with stress.

1. Push u fren from the cliff. Yeah, definitely would make u feel better!

2. Watch ur fren do crazy stupid thing.. , very entertaining!
3. Be extremely crazy. Life is too short to always be at the safe side.

I didnt know who captured these photos , but many thankssss! These photos were taken during our induction course in pangkor island. We conqured the resort's pool for 2 weeks!

I started my life as a HO at the surgical department. I was hoping for orthopedic for my 1st posting, nonetheless I have no complain being placed at the SOPD.

Life is good.... this is what I've been dreaming for ... this is what I struggled for... Life is good. Think positive Hannan.... be optimistic Hannan. Everything will be OK! I can do this.. God willing.. amin

I was wrong...???

Dr hayati , urs truly and Dr Marissa during our induction....

Well, maybe I was wrong. But not about the previous issue.
I hate to admit this, but I think I lost this round to my cousin, Dr Qistina. She's in HKL now. She told me, once u are a HO - ur life would be divided into two cycles - work and sleep. She told me that few months back. But I told her - I'm gonna change that! hehehe.... cakap la besar lagi.
I told her, my HO life would be in 3 cycles - work, sleep and fun.

After two days at HKB, well... I hate to say this - I was wrong, she was right.....

Being a doctor isnt that fun after all... trust me on that....

OK.. regarding the previous issue... clearly Aladeen isnt a doctor yet ... anyone who been thru HO would never made such comment...

big smile

aladeen said...
blom apa2 lagi dah macam ni. U just demotivate other who want to pursue their dream. There’s so many other way to convey the info if that the truth is. Remember, when you light a lamp for someone else, you brighten you own path too...

First of all, I thought reading this ‘’doctor's’’ blog could motivate me or other, but day by day u seems to be drown and sunken in the splendour of the 'title-ness-ship'. My bad and I’m so sorry for this. I learned my lesson. huhu. All the best in your future undertakingJust my 2 cent opinion

me

- well, go and ask any doctor in the whole world - nothing beautiful about being a HO. I'm so sorry if my writing "demotivated" u of being a doctor. I'm just telling the truth. Hence , those who wanted to be a doctor could have a clearer picture about a real life of a doctor ( a intern in my case)

PLUS, I totally believe the my 2 entries about being a doctor in malaysia - is a very beneficial info for everybody out there. Maybe u are one of those who have to take the "exam" when u graduated later on , I deeply advice u to prepare urselves from now on.

Here, in my blog - I'll write what I experience, what I feel, what I want ; coz this is my blog -which represent me , not the whole doctors in malaysia. If u dont like reading it , buzz off :)

14 Nov 08, 17:37DrX: There is no reason for them to fail you if you are a safe and competent doctor.It's better to fail now rather than killing your patients

me - I reckon we should keep this kind of conversion "privately" among doctors only :)

The public are not very comfortable with the "doctors killing the patients " part ...

more info :)

more info about being a doctor in MALAYSIA :)

I received a lot of question about this particular issue after my entry about the future of doctors in malaysia.

Occay, here we go.

Starting from 2010 - all doctors graduating from oversea will have to undergo a special examinantion before they are able to start their intership in the government hospital - regardless of where he/she graduated from. Regardless who sponsored them. EVEN JPA/MARA sponsored students have to sit for the exam.

About the exam - it's technically made to fail the newly grad doctors. NO KIDDING, go ask any doctor about that. For the timebeing - this "special exam" is for those who graduated from unrecognized universities.

Should u fail the exam, u have to go for special training at the local hospital/university for 6 month and u wont get the doctor's salary, just rm500 monthly allowance. Then, after 6 month, u have to re-sit the exam. It's a nightmare!!!

I'm fortunate enuf to avoid this scary part. Sigh..

Anyway, about my induction exam yesterday, I reckon I did OK. Should be able to pass it... Insya Allah.... :)

wish me luck!

As u are reading this entry, I would be in the examination hall , busting my ass answering the induction course test. This isnt a plain sailing holiday after all. There are a lot of things about the government and the "dasar-dasar" i need to remember by heart and honestly , it aint that easy!

Hence, all I did last nite was studying all the lecture materials and notes - as if the exam is my med school final year exam :P

Everyone was very serious about it. Gosh. I just cant wait to get over with all these "pekeliling" and "perintah am". Those words sound scary!

Anyhooo..... wish me luck yeah! I'll be back :)

important annoucement

I've learned a lot about the government and the "dasar-dasar" during my induction course. One of them is about the nurses :)

Apparently , the nurses earn as much as doctors do ( in government hospital) . NO KIDDING. If u are a nurse with a degree - u'll start working with the U41 grade - the same as newly grad doctors , case and point - ME. So, in short - my salary is as much as a nurse salary. Well, actually, the nurse earns more. Nurses critical allowance is 5% more than the doctors critical allowance.

Hencefoward , if u want to earn good money in government sector - being a doctor isnt the best choice. Be a nurse with a degree.


ONE MORE INFO :)

by 2013 , there will be SURPLUS of doctors in Malaysia. Therefore , if u are thinking to send ur children to med school now , think twice coz starting from that year, or maybe from 2012 - no job guarantee for doctors! Technically speaking, if u are doing ur matriculation or foundation to go to med school this very year - u will graduate by 2014 , that would be a bad year to start working as a doctor in malaysia. This is a true fact, base on the current production of doctors.

Starting from 2012 - the gov will terminate all the imported doctors. From 2013 , only selected newly fresh grads will be able to do the intership at the gov hospitals.

Instead being a doctor , u could try dentistry and pharmacy. Our nation needs a lot of dentist and there wont be enuf dentist in malaysia at least until 2020 :)

My thought...

urs truly with dr amy and dr ogy

My induction course in pangkor island may look like a vacation for some people. As a matter of fact - it's actually a 2 weeks holiday for us before we start being the new age slaves.

Even one of the "penceramah" who gave the talk here , told us to treat this induction course as it is our last supper.

It's so true. Honestly, once i entered the housemanship world - i dont even know when i will get my days off. mc is not valid for doctors. If we are sick and miss our working days, the admin will deduct our annual leave.....

What worry me the most is my asthma. Goshhhh... Really hate it. Why does it comes back at such crucial moment. Since the attack last week, my body hasnt been fully recovered yet. I cant even talk properly right now. At the end of every sentence , I need to stop and take a deep breath. Finishing a simple sentence has becoming a struggling job for me.

Nevertheless, I dont blame the fate for what had happened to me. I have been very lucky with FATE through out my life. This little "unfortunate event" is just a test from God. I believe so. I just pray to the Almighty that I'll be fully recovered before I start my internship...


to be continued....

pusing pusing pangkor

Yesterday we had a day off. Well, actually, half day off to be precise. Hence, I rented a "kapcai" for the day. Costed me rm25 for a modenas kriss. Then i filled up the tank with rm5 petrol. It was my best rm30 spend - ever. Rm30 of petrol in my VLV will get me... well... somewhere. But, with rm30 , it was enuf for me to go around the pangkor island 3 times!

Suhaibah and her smile. Caution guys - she's taken! ( engaged ) She's shida best fren. They lived together in the same house for 6 years in moscow, stayed in the same room for this induction course and also during the btn .... and now they gonna work together at the same hospital. Yes, MISS AINA , suhaibah got posted to hospital muar.
Abuya (hospital selayang, urs truly and cresentia ( hospital KK ) We had a lot of fun hanging out at the island. Me and shida went for jet skiing. Costed us rm70 for 30 fun of superb fun on the water. The coolest thing to do at the island - jet sking. Everyone should give it a try. It may sound expensive , but it worth all the money , every second of it!
The beautiful scenery of the beach at pangkor island. ( not the 2 guys obviously! )

beachboys

Muka beta dah gelap dah. Sia2 aja dok moscow 6 tahun. Dok pangkor 6 bulan dah terbakar balik :p

Had a lot of fun yesterday. We had a day off..

I told dr yusran about my posting at hkb . Me - " i got posted to hkb". then dr yusran replied " congratulation! Welcome to hell ".

"yeah... That's very comforting... Thanks "

Well, being a houseman is pretty much the nightmare for every doctors. 2 years of internship is worse than 6 years of med school. A part of me is really scared .... even the thought of it made me shiver!

another day in pangkor

Lumut ferry terminal. Your gate to pangkor island.

Sunset at the beach. Nearby the hotel.

Today we are given a day off. We really need to have a good rest today. Having fun is really tiring. No kidding. It's not easy to do what we do here everyday. Woke up early in the morning.... jump into the swimming pool, then to the beach, swim , then take the boat ride, then take the jet ski, then the banana boat - that a lot of work ... seriously!

Fortunately for me, my asthma is gone - well ,technically my illness is asleep for the next 12 month. I remember my last attack was a year ago. The steroid I took should last that long :P
Actually, what triggered my asthma attack was the dust. Yup, I'm very allergic to dust. That's why the hospital is the best working place for me. The shinny floor and the chlorine smell make my day.

For the past 6 years, I had been admitted to the hospital due to my asthma attack for quite a few times. For each attack, it started when I was cleaning something. Something to do with dust. Once I was sweeping the floor while cleaning the room. Once when the gardener was dusting ....yeah... the smallest particle God creates - is my worst enemy.

Hencefoward , in the future should any of u work with me -should I refuse to do all the sweeping/dusting job , u should understand that I refuse to do it not bcoz I'm lazy or whatsoever , it just becoz I have this serious illness :P
Same goes to ur children/wife/husband/sister/brother - if any of them have asthma , dont let them do all those domestic job. Treat them with a lot of care and love :P

Thank you!

Ni la keje kitorang hari-hari kat puteri bayu beach resort kat pangkor ni. Petang2... Terjun laut.. Terjun kolam. Main air sampai muntah pon xder orang nak marah :p

Anyway, i would like to thanks www.anggerek.com for helping me out with my assignment. Sape2 lagi yang ade info pasal tajuk keje yang beta kene buat ni ( sila rujuk entry di bawah) .. Please email me.. Pening kepala beta nak pikir2 pasal sebut harga ni. Skarang kite beli barang kat supermarket mane ade sebut harga dah kan.. Main scan ngan bayar jer la kan...

help me out!

dear my blog readers....
i've been told that a lot of u (my beloved readers) , work for the government. hence, i reckon u guys might be able to help me out with my induction course assignment. My topic is " terangkan proses yang perlu anda ikuti dlm melaksanakan sebut harga dari mula pesanan hingga pesanan kerajaan dibuat..." sape2 yang ade idea.... Email me yeah?

i'm occay :)

i'm all better rite now. Thanks you for all the well wishes.
What happened was, i was sent to the pangkor hospital by the fasilitators here. apparently, the doctor in charge was a beautiful young lady :p .... Terusss tersenyum beta .. Hehe.. She gave me the nebulizer, checked my vitals.. 30 mins later , i walked out from the treatment room with a smiling face :)
But what made me the happiest man - shida came to visit me :)

my darkest moment .. Part 3

after 5 mins sitting inside the frozen ballroom - i had this terrible headache... everything turned grey and black. I cant even understand a word what the heck the fasilitator was talking about. then, i could feel that my broncho started to swell, that was when i could hardly breath. I wrote a note to a fren sitting next to me - asking him to inform the organizer sitting at the back that i was not feeling well....

One of them came to me , she asked " how r u doing? " i told her i need some fresh air. She quickly escorted me out from the hall... and here comes the interesting part..

As soon as i walked out the hall , as soon as i heard the door was closed and no one from inside could see me... I told myself.. " occay... It's time to faint! "

Yeah.. That what was happened to me. I lost my conciousness as soon as i got out from the ballroom. Truth being told, i felt like fainting when i was sitting in the hall. But then, how could i faint in front of everyone - there were a lot of ladies inside the hall ..... Hehehhe, yeah.. The next thing i know - i was at the pangkor hospital :)

my darkest moment part 2

continue...

I should have known better. I should have be more "insane". The rule is - if u r sick , just stay back and get some rest. I did the opposite. Trying to be cool and macho :p. Hence, regardless of my breathing difficulty due to my asthma attack, i attended the opening session. and i paid the price.....

my darkest moment

my first day in pangkor ( 2 days ago ) wasnt what I had in mind. During my btn course in sepang , I had a fever. Then the cough came. Apparently, the hostel in sepang - was very dusty.
I almost forgot that I have asthma coz I havent got the attack for quite a while. The last attack was a year ago. Hence I didnt bring any meds for my asthma.

On the final day at btn - my condition got worse. No meds or whatsoever, we were rushing to go to the pangkor island coz we need to be at the resort by night time. On the bus on the way to lumut jetty from sepang - it was my worse journey ever. I would have trade anything to get a puff of ventolin at that moment.

We reached the lumut jetty by 6 pm. I walked around the jetty looking for pharmacy or clinic - to no avail. On 6.30pm - I was on the ferry to pangkor island. I cant even enjoy the beautiful enviroment coz my lungs really hurted a lot.

By the time we reached our resort , I asked the hotel management to take me to the nearest pharmacy, but at that time - all the pharmacy in pangkor island was already closed. Lucky me the driver was kind enuf to take me to the community hospital.

As soon as I reached the emergency room - I told them I'm a doctor and I needed the nebulizer NOW! The nurses quickly took me the treatment room. They checked my bp - 140/90 ( my normal bp is 110/80 ) - HR 125 per sec. Technically I should be admitted. There were no doctor in charge that nite, only a MA. He took care of everything. Since it was weekend - the hospital pharmacy was closed and they couldnt get me the ventolin inhaler. So, after getting the treatment , I decided to to go back to the hotel.

The next morning ( yesterday ) , I woke up and I could feel my respiratory airways was not in the good condition yet. The fever was still there. Regardless of all that , I gathered all my energy - concentrated every little strenght that I got , I braced myself to join the opening session of my induction course at the ballroom.... and it was my stupidest mistake ever...............

to be continued.....

off to the island

the long waiting period is finally over. I finally got my posting letter. thAnk God, I got posted to Hospital Kota Bharu, kelantan :) Back where I belong. Thanks to everyone who involved in making this happened coz a lot of my frens here didnt get the hospital they choosed. A fren of mine who live in kelantan got posted to johor. I'm the only here who being posted to HKB - as far as I know lor.

my btn course in over, and currently I'm in pangkor. We are staying at the Puteri Bayu beach resort. Such a nice place and I love the enviroment a lot. Unfortunately, something really bad happened to me last nite. Technically I should be admitted to the hospital now, but since the induction course in very important I choosed to stay at the hotel and continue the course. Furthermore, the schedule here is not too tight and the fasilitators are very nice, so... I should be occay.

Will write about my "accident" on the next entry

Finally, we are seperated. Me and zak. He got posted to HUSM. We studied at the same school, same university and will work in the same state.

I would love to thanks everyone who has been very concern about my health and million of thanks to the fasilitators for their hospitality!