being noble..

Well...the bad news continue.
Heard that another fren of mine - also quitted from being a doctor.
I didnt expect him to give up in this challenging job...
but at the same time, cant really blame him.

TO BE a doctor , 1st u need to be a houseman
As a houseman - u have no dignity, no pride, no honour.
Expect urselves to be treated like a crap.
Believe me on this, u'll get scolded - day in , day out - regardless of place and time.
In front of the patients, in front of the relatives or maybe in front of ur own family.
U could be "screwed up" endlessly.
Hence, a doctor is not a job for those who cant take this humiliation.

I felt sorry for my friend who couldnt continue being a doctor.
after years of hard work in university....
But, at the same time , looking at the other view- he's lucky to get out of this living hell.
I wish him well in his future.
Maybe he's not destined to be a doctor.
He's meant for something better...

Another week, another houseman gave up from being a doctor
these kind of news did make me feel a bit shaky,
and it somehow left a question mark inside my head.
Nevertheless, in spite on everything that happened,
I just hope my journey will be smooth sailing.
God willing.
amin

anencephaly

this is not an alien. This is just another newly borned baby - but this one has a congenital problem called the anencephaly. What is anencephaly - in the easiest sentence , this baby is borned with only half of the brain is intact or maybe no brain stem at all. Unfortunately for this kind of baby , the brain wasnt fully developed. Nevertheless, as far as I've seen , these kind of babies are usually born alive - but they are blind , deaf and couldnt feel the pain. No crying , no emotion.

Well, the main reason I highlighted regarding this case was becoz - about a month ago , it came out in the TV , about a case of anencephaly baby. The parent wanted to sue the hospital for not saving / resuscitate their anancephaly baby. Not that I'm saying the parent is wrong. But here's the logic.

The thing is - this kind of baby , he/she might be alive for the first few hours after delivery. But without proper ventilation back up - she/he will die quietly. Just bear in mind that with our medical technology , we are still not able to produce artificial brain. Hence, there is no way we could do any surgical effort to save the baby. If u keep the baby alive in the ventilator - it's kinda torturing the baby.

Therefore , the best thing we could do is, to let the baby die in peace after he/she is borned. There is no point for CPR coz we still couldnt treat this congenital disorder.

There's so much a man could do.

the good and the bad...

well... let's start with the good news. Yes, I got myself another gift - to cheer up myself. This time - the lcd tv :) heheheh... It costed me 2 month on-call allowance and I have to admit that this piece of black box is a miracle and it worth every cent! :P
It's basically my baby at home. This where I plug in my ps2, my dvd, my astro and I even use it as my pc monitor.
Well, that's the good news for this month

But, here's the not so good news.

Well, I just heard about it. Not sure about the truth, but I reckon it's 90% true.
Heard that one of my fren just quit from being a doctor.
It's a shocker. But then , as I think about it - it could have happened to anyone of us..
Being a doctor - a houseman especially is such a stressful and dreadful job...
If u been reading my blog for the past 2 month , u should know how stressful it was... and it is..
When I heard the news that my fren is resigning.... gosh... it strucked me like a thunder.
Too many time I thought about doing the same thing....but Thank God, for giving me the strenght to keep going..
I just hope that I'll finish this 2 years and go on with my life...

surviving the internship

I've been receiving a lot of emails and sms-es from the medical students on how to survive the intership/housemanship. I know I've been talking about this a few times here. Nonetheless, as I been in this intership longer - I've been learning a few more tricks on surviving this horrible 2 years. It's actually not that horrible once u learned that this is ur destiny :P ... yeah it's kinda "till death do us apart" job! Pretty much too late to learn to be something else... hahhaha...
well, like those bastard at the coffee shop said " u could always changes ur wives/gf , but hardly ur job! "

To those overseas graduates - expect urselves to be blabbered more compared to those who studied in malaysia. Since u know nothing about malaysian system - u'll start from ZERO! No kidding.

So, trick no 1 - whenever ur specialist/consultant/medical officer started their long speeches - look straight into their eyes as if u are listening attentively. BUT, as u are looking at them , try imagine their face turning into ur favourite cartoon character , donald duck for instance and change ur listening amplitude so that all u heard are just donald duck voice :P No kidding - do this and u'll find it very amusing.

Trick no 2 , when ur bosses finished their motivational speech to u - say "thank you! " in the softest way. As if u are very touched by their inspirational words....

Trick no 3 , I call this one "hikmat kebal loceng emas" - when the bosses open their their mouth , think of something else. So, in the end of the day , it will be the case of " masuk telinga kiri , keluar ikut telinga kanan, hidung n mulut " nothing left inside the brain. And dont forget to say " thank you, I'll work harder next time" ... this one works all the time.

life is good

life is good , have been pretty settle and calm for the past few weeks. Nonetheless, I'm still missing the excitement and the craziness. I miss being me!
Being a doctor - does changed me a lot , in most parts - changes toward a good way :p
Not that I love being a bad boy - it's just me , just my bloody personality.

Funny thing , a few days ago , as I was discharging the patients from the maternity ward , one of my patient asked me - "are u the doctor who has the blog ? Dr Hannan is it? U look more chubby in real life "
hhahaha.. sorry to dissapoint u dear :P
Anyway, who those who missed me , the picture up here is my latest photo available. I started to gain a little weight again after losing a few kilos during my first month at the labour room. Not my biggest concerned thou - there are a lot of other things running inside my brain rite now.

I wish I could have more time to spend writing more stuff inside my dear blog. I do miss my beloved blog a lot. Will try to update as frequent as possible :)

what goes around comes around

after a wonderful day off spent in KL last week,
I'm back to where I belong , the maternity ward..
as sad as it sound.
worse thing happened - after a few days break,
It does affected my work....

It hadnt been the best week of my working life..
it had been a very tough week
lots of thing happened
I thought, after being a senior in this department...
the work stress and pressure would be lessen
but I was wrong..

sigh.. it has been very tiring week.
Need to get myself together..
need to be strong
need to get back my aura :P

one day off

yasmin hani, sazzy and urs truly

cindy ( winner of malaysian dream girl ) and urs truly

Call me crazy ( yes, that is who I am ) - took a day off and I fled to KL yesterday. Just for shopping and some quick indulgement events - which include a lot of pretty girls!

Considering all the hectic job and 2 month of un-socialize life in hospital , I deserved to be entertained by these ladies yeah. U can read more about these photo above at redmummy.com. I was invited as a special guest.

To cindy, sorry for not recognizing u at the 1st place , I wasnt in malaysia when the malaysia dream girl tv show was on air. But I totally admit that she's such a beauty in person. Outside and inside.

She promised me that she'll to come when she gets pregnant - someday... hopefully :P

Sazzy and jasmin hanin - totally awesome and cool. Down to earth and fun to be with. Hope to see u guys again.

Being around these people made me realize how boring and depressing being a doctor is. But then , that are the price u have to pay to be in such noble prefession. Despite of all the pretty ladies, tons of joy and fun, the glamorous world - I still have no regret being a doctor :)

One day , I'll make sure being a doctor is fun and glamourous and yet , still noble all at the same time!

Me ? one day joy and fun is over. Back to work lol!

*I definitely need to get my business card done !!!!

swing swing swing

looking at those holiday photos of me and my frens made me wanna take off and go somewhere and have a lot of fun.......lots of fun.

Last nite I was ON CALL ... I was doing the 2nd call. For the 1st time in my working life , I could have some rest during on call. It was quite a calm day at the hospital. Not so many deliveries and it was the best on call ever! ehehehhe....Pity those who are working today -must be a lot of ppl coming in for ceaserean and IOL.

Beyond my conciousness - I started to enjoy and love my work as a doctor. Last nite, since there were not so many mothers coming in for deliveries - I felt kinda empty.

I went to sleep for a couple of hours and then I woke up again. Being the 2nd call- labour room isnt my territory anymore. Those delivery baby's job belong to 1st call doctors. So, technically my job was to look after the 4 postnatal and antenatal wards. If there is no problem in those 4 wards - my job is to sleep :P

So happened last nite - nothing much happened in those 4 wards. I was so bored of doing nothing. Hence, I went to the labour room and conducted 1 delivery. The 1st call doctors were suprised that I was there conducting delivery coz it wasnt my job :P

After that , then I could go back to the on call room and sleep happily. Well.. what can I say.. it's in my blood now....

One month ago ... I never thought that I could enjoy n love being a doctor ...

life is full of suprises...

and miracles does happen ... if u tried hard enuf :)

happy new year

Dont be fool by the photo above. I'm nowhere near the beach. Far far away from any vacation. Yes, it's the new year eve and I'm all alone in my room , studying my next month on call schedule. Unsuprisingly , I'll be doing 11 on call next months. That would be.... RM1140 for me. Just a bit short to pay for VLV. But I would rather get half of it and have more rest. At this point of my life... I need more free time than money :P

Since I'm celebrating the new year alone - might as well by myself some gifts to cheer up my day. The on call rotation really made my day gloomy. Bought myself new perfume from DKNY and a pair of shoes and couples of shirts and ties. Everything that I'll be using day in , day out at the hospital.

Nevertheless, despite of all the tears and pain for the past 1 month and a half , I started to become a better doctor as each day passes by. Hard work does pay off - eventually. I'm more confident in my job rite now compared to I was a month ago. I cant believe I'm surviving this crazy life at the hospital. I pray to Allah that everything will be running plain and smooth for me thru out my internship. This is just the beginning... more and more to come .....

merry x mas!

Merry x mas to my dear frens who celebrated it. To those who didnt, happy holiday!

Well, I surely miss the snow! A LOT. No more x-mas snow for me this year. No more snow during new year eve. Not sure how my new year will be - but most probably , at the labour room.

Not been updating my blog for a week I reckon. It has been quite a busy week for me. After spending nearly a month at the labour room - I was finally transfered out to the ward. Yeah, working in the ward is a lot more "less" tense compared to working at the labour room.

Labour room is like an emergency room. No time to sit down and relax. There will always be at least 1 delivery in every 1 hour. No kidding. At HKB , since the day I started working - at least there are 20 babies delivered everyday. At least 3 c-section. During the school holiday, it might go up to 50 babies per day. So, imagine how the doctors who need to work at the labour room , day in day out.... and during on calls.. 36 hours non stop running around the labour room.

Hence, it was pretty much a relieved for me to work in the ward now. But during on call, I still need to work in the labour room.

Anyway - merry x mas everyone and have a lot of fun!

it's weekend again

these photos were taken at my ex-primary schoolmate wedding last weekend. I wish good luck and happiness ... sampai ke anak cucu. Well, most of u gonna ask, when will be mine? Only God knows the answer. With my current situation - I'm technically married to the hospital. I spend more days and night with the patients.
Today would be the happiest day since I started working. Why is that? Hmmm.. if u are a gov servant - u should know what day is today! Finally , I could see the sunshine after the dark days and night :) ... yang tau , tau la kan...heheh.. agak2 ape die ek...

I'm still looking for a computer rite now. A desktop to be exact. Hmmmm... Currently there is a pc fair held at KB Mall. Havent got the time to check it out yet. Anyone out there wanna be my desktop consultant? Anyone.. hehehe...

Anyway, wishing u all a happy weekend! Yup, again - no weekend for me. I was supposed to have a quite saturday, but I'm covering my fren's on call... so. yeah... As usual.. weekend in hospital again for me... no big deAL...

ADIos amigOS

adoi la

current mood - pissed off!
my laptop - hancuss.
Well, it's actually my brother's lappy. It was broken and I fixed it. Now it's broken again and unfixable :P.
I do have my acer at home. But here at my rented house, I used the compaq ( the one I fixed)
Currently using my housemate lappy to go online.
Thinking to buy a new lappy or desktop when my 1st salary is banked in.
Gonna need some help with that coz I wont have the time to do the survey of the prices and whatsoever
So, anyone lives in Kota Bharu out there and reading my blog and knows about computer, please help me out to buy a new desktop/laptop.

Today, I do my first gynaecology clinic.
It was hard. For the last 1 month, I was just concentrating on obstetric
Now, I'm considered as senior at the o n g department - I need to master the gynaecology cases.
Soon enuf I'll be assigned to the gynaecology ward. No more maternity and labour room for me.
Felt like my 1st day at work all over again.

my 1st day

Occay, this will be my 1st reply to the PPIM moscow- regarding their email to me last week:) To the PPIM, if u want to publish this article in ur buletin, it would be an honour for me, if not - no problemo at all. I'm just sharing my little experience as a ho with the ppl out there.

HOW to survive on ur 1st day as a HO?

well, the truth is - one way or another , u are destined to be screwed. But I do have a few tips to minimize the damage :P

1) Be very humble. As a new HO , u know nothing. Bear that in mind. Ask help from everyone. The best teachers would be the staff nurses. Other senior ho might be too busy to show u everything , MO would be busier . Hence, be nice and asked help and learn from the nurses. Be very humble.

2) Be honest. If u dont know how to do the procedure or how to manage the patient , just say it out loud. Be honest and ask for help. If u just shut up , other would assume u know how to handle the situation. It's ok to be stupid on ur 1st day, well even on ur 1st month. Bak kata orang melayu - jangan jadi bodoh sombong.

3) Responsibility. BE early at work. By early - I mean before 7 am. It may sound very early for some ppl, but as a doctor - 7am is nothing. Be early to show to others that u are eager to work.

4) SMILE - always smile to other ppl. Be nice and talkative to other ho, to the nurses. Introduce urselves to senior ho, to the staff nurses. Make sure ppl remember ur name. The most important thing , make sure u introduce urselves to all the specialists and consultants and ur department. Make sure they know ur existance in the department

5) NOtEbook. Make sure u have a small note book in ur pocket. Write down all the new things u learn. Write down all the thing u need to learn.

6) LEARN fast and act fast. Well, this is the hardest part. Being a doctor, other doctor would expect u to be a fast learner. On my 1st day in labour room, my MO asked me to conduct a delivery and do the episiotomy. I never done that before during my student days. So, yeah - expect the unexpected yeah.

7) BE CONFIDENT. This is the main thing. Even thou the fact is - u are just day 1 of life as a HO , u need to start managing case on ur 1st day. So, when u r dealing with the patient, make sure u give a confident look to them. Dont make ur patient scare. No one want to be treated by a fresh doctor who just started work few a hour ago. Act like u've been working for years.

and... above all this ..sebelum pergi keje tu.. doa kat Allah, permudahkan urusan kita dalam pekerjaan harian ni. Niat kene la ikhlas. Solat subuh jangan tinggal...

well... there are a lot more tips and hints. Unfortunately, I'm too tired to write everything rite now. These are just the main thing u need to remember on ur first day. PLEase remind me to write more later on...

something.,..

a few days ago, I received this email ... I hope the sender wont mind I posted the email here...


Assalamualaikum dan selamat petang.. Pertama sekali, kitorang mohon maaf kiranya emel ni mencuri masa Dr. Hannan untuk berehat.. Mesti penat kerja sebagai seorang houseman, lagi-lagi di labour room HKB. Dr. Zainal masih lagi Head of Department ke kat sana? Kalau ya, dia still garang lagi ke?

Apapun, straight to the point.. Kitorang ni memang a big fan of your blog (xhansx.blogspot.com) dan sebagai medic students yang bakal graduate nanti, memang kitorng selalu cuba nak tau macamana pengalaman seniors masa housemanship dan one of the best sumber if from your blog. You've still got time to blog and inform us on how is the situation and experiences during housemanship, which we think is really helpful and thanks for sharing them with us!

Jadi.. Kitorang kalau boleh nak meminta, mencuri masa Dr. untuk kongsi pengalaman as a houseman untuk dimuatkan dalam bulletin IMAM'S LINK, December edition nanti.. Kitorang akan rasa berbesar hati sangat kalau Dr. sudi, tak kisahlah bentuk mcmana pun - be it my first day as a ho, rutin harian sebagai seorang ho, ataupun just nasihat2 untuk bakal graduan RSMU/MMA and tips.. It doesn't have to be long, but we would be delighted if your essay consists of 50-100 words

Once again, thanks from the bottom of our hearts and keep blogging. All the best in your work and have a good weekend.

Best regards, Biro Penerangan & Publisiti,
PPIM Russia Student Chapter (Moscow)

Well...
Where do I start ....

school holiday

Since I've been working at hkb, I rented a house - shared with Dr Yusran. Even thou hkb isnt that far away from my parent's house - it is more "convinient" for me to stay at the rented house coz it is located very near to the hospital. I choosed not to stay at the quaters coz starting this year, should we stay at the quaters - we wont get the housing allowance.

Anyway, it's been quite sometimes - me working at the labour room. Getting used to it now. Unfortunately for me - I'll be thrown out from the labour room starting next week. I'll be working at the maternal ward instead. Well, in a way - working in the ward means - less stress coz in the postnatal n antenatal ward - mostly for observation. All the hard case and delivery will be sent to labour room.

Since this is the school holiday, my only niece and nephew are back in kelantan. Umar n Imah. So, I tried to go back to my parent's house as frequent as possible when they are around. Miss them a lot. Miss playing with umar. It doesnt mean that I wont go back home if the kids are not around :P

Anyway, wishing everyone a very happy weekend :)

selamat hari raya aidiladha

Selamat hari raya aidiladha semua. I also would like to wish happy birthday to my beloved shida. She was borned during hari raya korban.

I celebrated this year raya korban at the labour room. I was "on call" on the day of raya. It was fun actually. Wearing baju raya and conducted delivery. Some of the mothers asked me to "azan" their new borned baby since I was so nicely dress :P and wearing songkok some more. No kidding. That was the joy part of my working life.

During the day of hari raya , not many ppl come for delivery. Most of the mothers, waited until the end of the day. From morning till late noon, the labour room was pretty empty and relaxing. But, started from 8 o clock in the evening , ppl started coming in. By midnite - it was chaotic , normal service resume.

Today, it would be worse coz a lot of mothers/ future moms would come with hypertension crisis coz they ate a lot of meat during hari raya. I know tomorrow it will be a very busy day at the labour room.

When I logged in to my YM just now, a junior asked me about the life as an intern. She asked "was it that bad?" I told her " No worry, it will pass away...."

Indeed, it wiil. But it takes time. For some ppl, maybe just a few days , for others... it might take forever. Depend on each individual. Depend on how u cope with the situation. But one thing I can be sure of , it will be a gruelling start for everyone :)

imagine....

Just got my on call schedule yesterday. Unsuprisingly , I'll be working on the Hari Raya Haji. No big deal thou. I'm expecting that. For this month - I'll be doing 9 on calls. Yeah, in a way , it means I'll be getting RM930 for that. But in another view - I'll be a living zombie for 18 days this month. Just another chapter of my life as a doctor.

I'm pretty much tired of complaining and whining about my job. Once I got rid of this unpleasant feeling about my job - I started to feel something new. I begin to love my job.

Being a doctor in the labour room - the best thing that happened to me everyday is when I safely conduct a delivery and the smile on both the dad and the mom - is priceless.

On a lot of occasions , when I walked out from the labour room - the family members came to me and thanked me.....the father would introduce me as the doctor who delivered their new family member.... awesome.

Of course , above all those - it was God who decided which one will have safe delivery and there will be a few unfortunate incident..

Definitely, sometimes - it could be the other way around. But so far , no bad incident happen to me yet while I'm working at the labour room.. God willing, mintak jauh la semua benda buruk tu...

the reason

I've finally comes to my senses and slowly start to understand my new life as a doctor.
For the past one week, it had been a transition period for me. It was a tough one. Trying to adjust to the new enviroment, new daily cycle ... everything is new for me.

Maybe I've been watching to much of Grey's anatomy and House MD. Life as an intern in a busy government hospital is nothing as in the shows on TV.
Maybe I was expecting my life to be as cool as the actors in the show. Hence , when I faced the truth - it was a big shock for me and I was very depressed.

Nevertheless, after a few days , after lots of thinking and tears ( unfortunately ) - I'm moving foward. I want to be a doctor and this is what I have to face, day in , day out. No more regret. ( hopefully)
I'll take one day at a time. Slowly learning to be a good doctor.
It's gonna be a long journey, it's gonna be a tough road ahead. But I'll give everything. I'll do my best. God please bless me. Amin.

one more thing, I'm so sorry if my previous entry "demotivated" a lot of ppl from being a doctors. No worry , If u are willing to work hard, U'll be a good doctor.

thank you

I've been busting my ass at the labour room for nearly 10 days. It's been a tough job, it has been very depressing and stressful as well. But as time goes by , I'm getting used to it... slowly. Well, like they said " time heals everything".

It may have been the most depressing one week for me. I would like to thank everyone for being there for me. Even last nite, I received a phone call from doctor fareez , ( apparently he read my previous entries ) He told me to be strong , to be more confident with my ability... thanks a lot doc. I really need those encouraging words.

Lots of funny thing happened for the past one week. My life as a houseman - gosh..... I just cant describe it. It has been a nightmare and like a living hell , but in a very different view - I started to enjoy it...

If u are a government worker and had been to the induction course - u must have heard about the so called " tonggak 12" . One of the "tonggak" is " keseronokan bekerja". For the past one week - I was searching for this particular matter. Until now - to no avail. But somehow , I could see it's coming. I could see the silver lining of this deep hole....

thank you everyone for being there for me. Thank you everyone for reading my "luahan perasaan" for the past one week... thank God.... thank you...

feel free to visit me at the labour room in hkb.. I'll give u a free check up :P

as the days passed by...

my advice to future doctors ..... apply for internship at HUSM. U'll get a better life at teaching hospital coz they have lots of doctors and less patients compared to general hospitals...

well... how's work?

erm, today I spent the whole day at the OT, performing the C-section. Definitely I wasnt the one doing it, I was the 1st assistant. It was my 1st day as 1st assistant the OT. May sound like an easy task, but it wasnt that easy after all. One simple mistake , the surgeon will screw u.

So happened, in the OT, the anaesthesiologist was my senior at faris petra. He gave me a little pat at the back before the surgery start. That was very comforting. Throught out the operation, he was watching out for me, correcting me when I did wrong before the surgeon did and he smile and gave a thumb up when I did thing right.

It was a very tiring day. I was involve in 4 c-section from morning till evening. But I dont mind. I love the tranquality of operation theater, compared to the labour room....

So, that was my day.... my plain odinary day as a doctor.

Thanks a lot everyone for those encourging words. Really mean a lot to me. In time like this, I just need everyone around me to tell me that everything will be fine...

It had been a very stressful and depressing week for me. Tons of tears being shed... Gosh... it's unbearable...

the only thing that make me wake up every morning to face the dreadful day in hospital.... is when I think about my parent....