it's been bugging me

gosh..
had a hectic day at work so far today
very problematic cases today
i wish i am not in charge of the Operating room today...
unfortunately .. i am

nonetheless... everything still turns out fine eventually
above everything... i hope and pray there will be no mortality

i love being a doctor
currently i am a part of the anaesthetist team
it's the same like special task force team in the police department
or the komandos in the army
we deal with life and death situation everyday
we r in charge of the ICU
we r in charge of the operating theater
we put people to sleep ... and we have to wake them up as well
it's a very demanding job...
and it's killing me

i love saving life
it's a noble job
but then.
sometimes... i feel so tired
and stressful....
i wish i could be in charged of something more stationary
like a klinik kesihatan
where i work 8 to 5 everyday
it's a good life
yes... there are death cases in klinik kesihatan as well
but only once in the blue moon.

nonetheless , there is something special that keep me staying at the anaesthesia department
the people ...
the bosses ... my collague ... they are the best people ,
the nicest group of human being u want to be around with
they cheered u up when u r down
they stand by u when u screwed up
the helping there is always next to u
it felt like a family in the anaesthesia department
unlike other department i work before
that's the main reason that keep me from leaving the hospital...

yet and still...
i have my doubt..
despite of all great people around me..
am i able to be a good anaesthetist,,
and how long could i hold my breath here....