When I reached moscow 6 years ago, I said to myself, I'm a grown up now. I'm matured enuf. In fact, I kept saying it to myself everytime I came back to moscow after summer break in Malaysia. Every year, in the plane, on the way back to moscow from Malaysia, I'll do my yearly summary , my yearly monolog , of how far have I gone , how much knowledge did I gained, my wisdom... bla bla bla.. and every year, I came out with the same conclusion - I'm proud of myself and I have done enuf. I believe that , I'm very much grown up, that I've become very independent man. Just throw me anywhere and I'll be still dancing around and will make my way thru it.
I kept holding to that conclusion, until I hit the "wall" last weekend. Yup, it's totally a wake up call for me. After all these years... I'm still a kid. I still need guidance. I always need help. I'm clingy. I still shed some tears when I feel really sad or when I'm really sick. I'm just not ready yet for world after all. I used to have all the confidence in the world, but it all had shattered. One small mistake made me realize, I still have a long way to go. That very stupid action of mine, made me realize that life isnt that easy after all.
I called my mom earlier this morning, before I left for hospital. I purposedly called her at that very hour coz I dont want to have a long chat with her. Why? Coz I'm still a kid. Whenever I have problem, my mom would know from my voice. It's just mother instict. No doubt about that. But, that 4 mins chat with her was more than enuf for her to realize that her son here isnt in a good state of mind. I know my mom not gonna read this blog, but mommy... I miss u a lot... I'm a still a kid, who need his mom... always. Love u mom.